Life can be taxing in a slew of ways, especially the past three years while trying to navigate a multitude of unchartered territories and uncertainties, like figuring out what life’s “new normal” entails and absorbing the onslaught of information that’s at our fingers tips when turning on the TV, opening an email or scrolling through social media and seeing stories that cover every topic under the sun. Heck, even stories literally above the sun, like about aliens, weren’t sent to the cutting room floor. It has been a no holds barred world out there, and to think, it’s really ramped up just in the last three years. For such a small fragment of our lives we’ve run the gamut of emotions because every day we’ve thought we’ve heard it all, seen it all, lived through it all. There has been so much to process and so much that has yet to be fully processed, leaving many wildered of thought. No one prepared us for all of this, nor did anyone know we should be prepared. So, where does this leave a lot people and the stabilization of their mental health? In our navigations, I believe we try to push through the ups & downs of life, the uncertainties and the unknown by using any means necessary. Maybe some have mastered how to navigate through the storm, while others’ are merely waiting for the storm to pass while holding on to some metaphorical buoy, all while the wrathful storm is chiseling away at their mental health, their well-being. Their “waiting” is masked as a form of coping with vices that only cause temporary relief…over & over again, that vicious merry-go-round spins. After all, what choices do people really have when discussing mental health and speaking up for one’s own well-being goes against the grain of societal standards?
I can’t help but feel compelled to touch on two heart-breaking stories that seemingly revolved around mental health. One is about the beloved dancer, turned DJ for the Ellen DeGeneres show, Stephen “Twitch” Boss, and the other story is about the former Miss USA, Cheslie Kryst, who jumped from her NYC apartment, as both stories had my mind reeling for weeks after the news broke. Twitch was someone that I obviously didn’t know personally, but could look at him and tell he exuded love, light, and seemed to positively impact every person he came across. Just seeing his smile through a TV screen would make me want to smile, as silly as that sounds, but to think someone that has that effect on others, has a beautiful family, posts lighthearted videos on social media with their family, leads the outside world to think everything is fine, decides the next day to take their own life, which happened to be a few days before Christmas is truly incomprehensible. Then, there’s Chelslie, who’s story broke at the beginning of last year. She was a young woman who seemingly had it all, beauty, brains, a picture-perfect life – judging by those of us that were looking from the outside in – but every bit of that was taken away in the blink of an eye. Beyond devastating. I have so many questions. Were they scared to get help? Did they know who/where to turn to? Did people dismiss their cries for help? It can be so easy to think that others are fine, especially when the person tells you they are, or their life looks intact; but it’s important to dig a little deeper. Does “fine” mean just that, or is that the easy answer that allows the person to dodge having to peel back layers to the core of their vulnerability & share how they’re really feeling? Does everything that looks so flawless on the outside translate into how the person is feeling on the inside, or is the foundation crumbling into a million specks? Two lives, like many, that were cut way too short. May Stephen Boss & Cheslie Kryst Rest In Peace.
Both stories remind me that there are many people out there that struggle with keeping their mental health afloat. It’s so paramount that everyone understand that the way you are thinking and feeling is valid. Many others feel this way or similar, and even if the people you associate with, whether it’s your significant other, parents, siblings, friends, etc., do not understand or feel how you feel, do not let that dissuade you from acknowledging how you feel & seeking help. Everything you are going through on your life’s journey – the good, the bad, the ugly – is just as important as everyone else’s journeys. You deserve to be heard, to be helped, and most importantly, to get to live your life until God decides it’s time to call you up to Heaven’s pearly gates.
On February 19th, I hit my four year anniversary of taking anxiety medicine, and I have to say, I have no regrets with making that decision…zero, zip, zilch, nada! In fact, it empowers me to know that I advocated for myself and found something that allows me to put my best foot forward and live my best life. I’m proud of myself because – after seeing child psychologists, seeing sports psychologists, being told to look at things the way others see things, being told to meditate, being told to listen to soothing music, being told to calm down or “relax…you’re fine,” resulted in years of putting myself through a ringer of crap, and desperately trying to learn on my own how to “cope” with my anxiety for over 20 years!! None of the aforementioned suggestions aided in “curing” me…not even for a second!
Instead, I muddled along through life by talking to my family and closest friends, playing tennis, weight lifting, listening to my favorite music, writing and getting lost in a good book. These have continued to be my coping mechanisms, but they have never been enough to allow me to maintain being…me. Something had been off kilter for a long time, and although, the decision was not easy, I knew I had to seek help outside of the people and activities that I had heavily relied on for so long.
I decided I needed to meet with a doctor. So, four years ago, I did just that, twice, actually. The first appointment was nothing short of horrible. It wasn’t easy explaining to the doctor my number 1 reason for being there. I was still coming to terms with actually seeking help from a doctor, so, articulating the idea of wanting to take medicine for my anxiety fell on deaf ears. Instead, the doctor suggested that I meditate and listen to soothing nature sounds whenever I could tell my anxiety was escalating – before I try to combat my anxiety with anything else. Umm, excuse me…what?!?!
I knew I needed more than that from this appointment, but at this point, I really didn’t know how to convey this to the doctor if these methods were all she planned to “prescribe” to me that day. So, that was that. My appointment, my one shot, was over, and the only “tools” I was equipped with included meditating and listening to the sound of rain droplets falling off of the leaves of Kapok trees in the rain forest….
I’ll never forget walking out of that doctor’s office, teary-eyed, and feeling deflated, hopeless, lost. All I could think about were two simple words, “what now?!”
I went on with my life for several months, as usual, continuing to cope the only ways I knew how, using the methods that I’ve always fallen back on; But one day, I had had enough! I realized that we’ve only got one chance at this undoubtedly short thing called life. It was imperative that I needed to do something for myself. Take care of myself. Be true to myself so I could be my true self.
I made another appointment with the doctor, which happened to be on the first day that I started my job at the U.S. Embassy. I told the doctor I wanted to explore other options, and once we started the conversation about meds, she told me she didn’t broach that option originally because she, as well as her patients, usually liked to try more natural methods, first. Whether she was making a simple, truthful statement, or she wanted to make me feel bad for considering this option from the jump, I do not know, and guess what? I do not care. She wrote up my prescription, and at that moment, I could sense the tides turning. I left the doctor’s office that day feeling like I had the golden ticket, and I have never looked back on making this decision for myself. I’ll never forget that day. It was symbolic that I started two new chapters of my life: jump-starting my career, which I love, and combating my anxiety so I can live a life that I love.
I cannot say it enough…I encourage everyone to check-in with themselves and others, whether it’s a family member, friend, colleague. Take the time. Ask the question: How are you/they truly doing? Be kind. Be supportive. Be understanding even when you don’t fully understand what someone else is going through.
Whether you just need a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on or something more, such as therapy, or medication, if you’re reading this right now, and this story resonates with you, I strongly encourage you to seek whatever it is that you need for yourself in order to be yourself.
I am unabashed in the choice that I made four years ago, and I can only hope you all feel the same way as you make choices that’ll allow you to live the life that you have always deserved.
& just remember – at the end of the day, do not be embarrassed or ashamed to be your biggest cheerleader, because if you don’t advocate for yourself…who will?
#BreakTheStigma #MentalHealthAwarenessMonth
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